女人的心是水做的,波濤洶湧時可以狂可以烈,然而,也有靜寂如死時 ..



4/23/2012

[文集] 迷濛 & 明晰

在那迷迷濛濛的路上,我們總在洞察著,所謂未來的荒蕪灰澀,或者是,璀璨明晰。

On the foggy road, we always try to have an sight into the barrenness and dusk, or, resplendence and brightness of the future. 
  
當你說盡了一切總在崩壞,最後終將歸零,我是漸焦慮、迷惘甚且是採取一種逃避的姿態,因為,我總是喜歡看事物好的一面,而當壞的那一面,開始令我困窘時或誘使我陷入難以脫離的迴圈時(即使只是暫時),當下僅有的,純粹是那想吶喊、想大哭的衝動,宛如瘋人。

Since you said that everything keeps continuing to collapse, then turning into the zero finally, I've gradually felt anxious, disorientated or taken the posture of escaping, because, I love to see positive aspects of the existence all the time. When the negative ones make me stuck, or entice me to fall into a dead-end-like circle (even though it's temporary), I only have the impulse of screaming or crying of madness.

不過,縱使壞思維再多,或與你在異鄉時,我偶有的那茫然、那驚懼,終將抵不過把你視為最為重要的伴侶,在這背後,羅織著湧上心頭的甜蜜,於夢的盡頭之覺醒,以及成纍成串的思念。

However, no matter how bad thoughts I sometimes have, or the bemusement or the horror in my mind, during our separation in different cities, I still can't help viewing you as my most important partner in my life. Behind all this, is the awakening on the edge of an illusion built on the wrongness and selfishness, the sweetness rushing to my heart,  and the bunchy yearning every day, every night.

你總願意照顧著我,好似不離不棄,儘管我踉蹌大醉、吐了一身;你總捨不得我身體不適了,恨不得希望可以在身邊陪伴著我,我本身也捨不得你;我已將你視為丈夫,最不甘不願的就是中間再有甚麼阻隔,或困境。

吾愛。

Always, you are willing to take care of me, which seems like you never abandon me, even though I am so fucked up, losing my mind, stumbling, and puking everywhere..  Always, you worry about me a lot (like..when I don't seem so fine), can't let it go, and wish that you could be with me at that moment. I worry about you too.




I've already seen you as my husband. What I am not willing to be faced with, is all the block, or dilemma.


My love.

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